Braving The Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging...

Chapter 2: The Quest for True Belonging

We all crave and need true belonging in our lives. We want to be a part of something, but we need it to be real, not conditional or fake.

"Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us, because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only substitute for belonging, but often helps barriers to it".

When I read the above paragraph, it struck me and made absolute sense instantly. The more you try to fit in the more you do not actually belong, True belonging only happens when we are true to ourselves. Presenting ourselves out there just the way we are...

Once we belong thoroughly to ourselves and believe thoroughly in ourselves, true belonging is ours. Belonging to ourselves means being called to stand alone, to brave the wilderness of uncertainty, vulnerability and criticism.

- The Wilderness

Belonging so fully to yourself that you're willing to stand alone is a wilderness- an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching.

This is a tough and dangerous place to be, it is also one of the most sought after place. It takes a lot of courage to actually stand alone...

We really can't control what people think about our choices to stand alone, but it is the place of true belonging and it is the most sacred place to ever stand...

True belonging is not passive. It is not the belonging that comes with just joining a group. It's not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it's safer. It is a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are.

Vulnerability is one of the major challenge most people have. This book made me realise being vulnerable is more of a show of strength than weakness. 

- Braving Skills;

To brave the wilderness and become the wilderness we must learn how to trust ourselves and trust others. Trust is choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person's actions, while distrust is deciding that what is important to you is not safe with this person in any situation.

- Checklist for trusting others;

1. Boundaries: You respect boundaries and when you're not clear about what's okay and not okay, you     ask. You're willing to say no.

2. Reliability: You do what you say you'll do

3. Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize and make amends

4. Vault: You don't share information or experiences that are not yours to share.

5. Integrity: You choose courage over comfort

6. Nonjudgement: I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about            what we feel without judgement.

7. Generosity: You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words and                 actions of others.

- The Quest and the Paradox:

We must all find our own way.

If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. that's why it's your path  - Joseph Campbell

True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are...


#Ibelongtomyself...

Comments

  1. Grace Amarachi Adedayo10 April 2023 at 08:25

    Brené always says that we're hard wired for love and belonging. However, we don't try to belong at the expense of belonging to our own selves first. And oh! I love the check lists for trusting too.

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