Radical Candor: Chapter 2; Get, Give and Encourage Guidance

Chapter 2: Get, Give and Encourage Guidance. 

There are two dimensions to good guidance;

1. Care personally (Ruinous Empathy is what happens when you fail to care personally.)

2. Challenge directly (Obnoxious Aggression, or manipulative Insincerity is what happens when you fail to challenge directly.)

These two dimensions could take effect through different ways or methods of giving guidance;

1. Radical Candor: 

I don't have to spend a lot of time getting to know a person or building trust before offering radically candid guidance.

A great way to get to know somebody and to build trust is to offer radically candid praise and criticism.

- Radically candid praise: "I admire that about you"

- Radically candid criticism: "To keep winning, criticize the wins"

2. Obnoxious Aggression:

When you criticize someone without taking even two seconds to show you care, your guidance feels obnoxiously aggressive to the recipient.

"If you can't be radically candid, the second best thing you can do is being obnoxiously aggressive."

- Obnoxiously aggressive criticism;

"Front-stabbing".

N.B; Obnoxious aggression is a behaviour not a personality trait.

* Every person owes everyone "fundamental decency" regardless of position.

- Obnoxiously aggressive praise;

"Belittling compliments". 

* It's not easy to pay people compliment backed up by a big bonus and make them feel worse rather than better".

3. Manipulative Insincerity;

Manipulative insincerity guidance happens when you don't care enough about a person to challenge directly.

- Give a damn about the people you challenge. Worrying about whether or not they give a damn about you, is not "caring personally" about them, and it's likely to push you in the wrong direction on the "challenge directly" axis.

That's not going to help your team achieve great results, or take a step in the direction of their dreams. let go of vanity and care personally. but if you don't care, don't waste your time and everyone else's by trying to fake it.

- Manipulative insincere praise;

"The false apology".

4. Ruinous Empathy;

This is responsible for the vast majority of management mistakes. Most people want to avoid creating tension or discomfort at work.

- Praise that is ruinously empathetic is not effective because its primary goal is to make the person feel better rather than to point out really great work and push for more of it.

- Ruinously empathetic praise;

Just trying to say something nice".

Be as specific and thorough with praise as with criticism. Go deep into details.

- Moving Towards Radical Candor;

* Start by asking for criticism, not by giving it.

* "Don't  dish it out before you show you can take it".

- Reason you should start by asking for criticism;

1. It's the best way to show that you know you are often wrong, and that you want to hear about it, when you are. You want to be challenged.

2. You'll learn a lot- few people scrutinize you as closely as do those who report to you.

3. The more first hand experience you have with how it feels to receive criticism, the better idea you'll have of how your own guidance lands for others.

4. Asking for criticism is a great way to build trust and strengthen your relationships.

- Balance praise and criticism;

"Worry more about praise and less about criticism but above all be sincere".

- Why praise is more important than criticism;

1. It guides people in the right direction.

2. It encourages people to keep improving.

- Understand the previous border between obnoxious aggression and radical candor.

"Your work is shit"- reasons why this might not be bad.

- The nature of the relationship is key.

Be a kickass boss without loosing your humanity.