Braving The Wilderness: Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart

Chapter 7

Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart;

True belonging is more than strong back, soft front(courage & vulnerability). Once we've found the courage to stand alone, to say what we believe and do what we feel is right despite the criticism and fear, we may leave the wilderness, but the wild has marked our hearts. That doesn't mean the wilderness is no longer difficult, it means that once we've braved it on our own, we will be painfully aware of our choices moving forward. We can spend our entire life betraying ourselves and choosing fitting in over standing alone. But once we've stood up for ourselves and our beliefs, the bar is higher. A wild heart fights fitting in and grieves betrayal. 

Strong Back;

One way to strengthen our courage muscle is learning how to put BRAVING into practice;

1. Boundaries; Learning to set, hold and respect boundaries. The challenge is letting go of being liked and the fear of disappointing people.

2. Reliability: Learning how to say what we mean and mean what we say. The challenge is not overcommitting and overpromising to please others or prove ourselves.

3. Accountability: Learning how to step up, be accountable, take responsibility, and issue meaningful apologies when we're wrong. The challenge is letting go of blame and staying out of shame.

4. Vault: Learning how to keep confidences, to recognize what's ours to share and what's not. The challenge is to stop using gossip, common enemy intimacy and oversharing as a way to hotwire connection.

5. Integrity: Learning how to practice our values even when its uncomfortable and hard.

The challenge is choosing courage over comfort in those moments.

6. Nonjudgement: Learning how to give and receive help. The challenge is letting go of "helper and fixer" as our identity and the source of our self-worth.

7. Generosity: Learning how to set the boundaries that allows us to be generous in our assumptions about others. The challenge is being honest and clear with others about what's okay and not okay.

Soft Front:

1. We have to maintain our strong back! it's not a one-time effort.

2. Man, its hard to keep the front soft when there's so much hurt.

Many of us armour up early as a way to protect ourselves as children, once we grow into adults, we start to realise that the armour is preventing us from growing into our gifts and ourselves. We can exercise the vulnerability muscle that allow us to soften and stay open rather than attack and defend. This means getting comfortable with vulnerability.

Most times we approach life with an armoured front for 2 reasons; 

1. We're not comfortable with emotions and we equate vulnerability with weakness.

2. Our experiences of trauma have taught us that vulnerability is actually dangerous.

Violence and oppression have made our soft front a liability, and we struggle to find a place emotionally and physically safe enough to be vulnerable.

The definition of vulnerability is uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. But vulnerability is not weakness, it's our most accurate measure of courage.

A soft and open front is not being weak; it's being brave, it's being the wilderness.

Wild Heart;

The mark of a wild heart is living out the paradox of love in our lives. It's the ability to be tough and tender, excited and scared, brave and afraid, all in the same moment. It's showing up in our vulnerability and our courage, being both fierce and kind.

"True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being part of something and standing alone in the wilderness.

True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; It requires you to be "who you are".

True belonging and self-worth are not goods, we don't negotiate their value with the world. 

The truth about who we are, lives in our hearts.

There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we'll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say "don't do it. You don't have what it takes to survive the wilderness". This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, "I am the wilderness".

#Ibelong to myself...